A Father In Waiting Reflects

First of all, sorry that it has been so long. I'm sure that your two weeks leading up to Christmas were pretty dull and uneventful. Yeah, mine too. I think participating in the Ironman Triathalon would have been less physically demanding than the last two weeks. We will return to our regularly scheduled Job discussion soon.

Anyway, now I'm sitting here at my in-laws house feeling like I just left a rock concert. You know how after a concert that is really loud your hearing is kind of muffled and everything seems a little extra quiet? Well, that is sort of where I am now.

Missy and I are here in the Midwest with her family (though I am extremely fortunate to be able to say that I consider my in laws - parents, sisters and brothers - like they are my own family) for Christmas and New Year's. Missy has two sisters and one brother. Between them they have 5 kids. About an hour ago all the kids left leaving me feeling like I am now sitting in a library. There is nothing more beautiful to hear than than the sound of kids running around and laughing and playing and crying and talking (sometimes incoherently). Now they have all left and it just seems a little bit extra quiet.

However, this quiet has given me the opportunity to look at kids and parenting as Missy and I eagerly await the birth of our son in a few months (launch date: March 21). Here is a quick rundown of my beautiful nieces and nephews - sidebar - this side of the family is 5 for 5 when it comes to good looking kids - I hope our kid can follow suit - if he doesn't I know who has the ugly genes - anyway, here is who I got to play with or simply hold this weekend:

- a beautiful 5 year old girl - she loves to run around and wrestle (but not too rough!) but also play with Polly Pocket. you can have a conversation with her and she will write a note to you or read to you. she also recently lost her first tooth. she loves to play hide and seek and somehow always finds me.

- an adorable 3 year old boy who is all boy. you can't wrestle with him rough enough (well maybe you can but it takes alot). he loves sports and superheroes (Batman, Spiderman, Superman, Buzz Lightyear) and the movie Cars. You can talk to him and listen to him with his cute little boy lisp that I hope our son has. His quick wit and sense of humor already is well beyond his years.

- a super cute 2 year old boy - he loves trains and the movie Cars (guess what movie we watched this weekend). he is very curious and has an insatiable appetite for reading and drawing. he has a smile and laugh that light up the room. he talks as well though sometimes you still have to strain to interpret some his words. his gentle heart is very apparent even at 2.

- a gorgeous 6 month old girl - her crystal blue eyes are constantly taking everything in. her big cheeks invite you to kiss them - which I did a lot - I just couldn't help myself. her hands would death grip anything that came into range. you can already tell she is going to be a heartbreaker.

-a 6 day old - his priorities were pretty basic - eat, sleep, poop. not always in that order and sometimes at the same time. his face, like any good 6 day old, often looked a lot like Winston Churchhill after eating a lemon. his fragility and newness (for a lack of a better word) were beautiful to observe. I have never spent that much time with a child that young - seeing and holding him really had the biggest impact that I was soon going to become a dad.

Through these 5 kids, I saw 4 main stages:

- a 5 year old - in school, learning to read and write, losing her baby teeth

- a 2 & 3 year old who love to play (usually more than eating) and are learning the definition of the word "share" (though to their credit were often more generous - with some prodding - than I was at that age

- a 6 month old who was starting to show her personality, roll over, smile and interact

- a 6 day old who was so new and vulnerable and dependant - without someone else he would not be able to do much of anything (except poop - he mastered that right out of the gate)

As a parent, I will get to experience each of these stages in time. As my child grows, so too will I as a parent. Changing diapers will go from dreaded disgust to nonchalant chore. Holding my child will go from handling fine china to carrying a bag of groceries. Conversations will go from monologue streams of babble to interactive conversations about life.

Parenthood scares the living heck out of me: Knowing that my kids will cry and get sick and urinate everywhere. There will be sleepless nights, repetitive discipline problems, temper tantrums in public places. The concepts of "sleeping in", "personal space" and "me time" will become unfamiliar.

However, a couple of moments this weekend reminded me why I am excited to be a dad. At one point this weekend, the three older kids individually sought me out and wanted to do something just with me. With one of them, as I sat at the table eating, I felt a little tickle on my feet - an invitation to me to chase and play with her. With another, we sat in the dark of pre-dawn Christmas morning and looked quietly at the lights on the tree. With the third, we sat in quiet and watched a talking tomato and cucumber (or was it a zucchini?) in costumes on TV. To see three kids who could have easily just run around and played on their own, come and want to sit with ME and in their own way show that they loved me too, that made me forget about why I am scared to be a parent.

So while I sit here in the quiet aftermath of a perfect storm of hide and seek, changed diapers, temper tantrums, nap times and kid movies, I can't wait for the next storm to come.