Getting Older

Happy Labor Day everyone. It has been a while but I have found a moment to sneak away, grab an adult beverage and type some thoughts.

In the last few years (especially since hitting 30), I have become more cognicent of getting older. I have started waking up in the morning with pains in various places. I don't have quite as much hair as I used to though I have done better than some of my contemporaries. I had to have my contacts prescription strengthened recently. And the big one, I am not being carded AS MUCH when I buy alchol.

To be honest, this terrifies me. I am used to eating whatever I want and doing whatever I want with not negative consequences. I am used to playing sports or doing active things and jumping out of bed the next morning rather than painfully crawling out. I still see myself as a 20 year old kid with no responsibilities. In actuality, I am 31 year old man with a number of responsibilities. One of the biggest is sleeping (at least he is in his bed, whether or not he is sleeping is anyone's guess) 15 feet away from me. I am getting older and will continue to get older and there is nothing I can do about it.

A day will come when I can't hit a golf ball as far as I do now. A day will come when I will have difficulty walking. A day will come when I will have difficulty seeing. And a day will come when my body finally wears out to the point of expiration. It's inevitable. And there is nothing I can do about it.

And I hate the thought of that.

This past Sunday in church during communion, they ran a series of verses on the screens for us to read and ponder. One of them hit me right in the face on this very subject. I don't know that I have ever read this verse before but it has instantly joined the list of my favorite verses.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day" 2 Corinthians 4:16

I instantly reflected on my life and where I was when I was 20. Physically, I could dunk a basketball. I could eat anything at any time with no problems hours later. But internally and spiritually, I was an immature child.

I thought of my broken engagement with Missy. The stress of that event permanently shredded my stomach. That event was also the single greatest influence in my spiritual growth. I would not be the man I am today, the husband I am today, the father I am today, the Christian I am today if that event had not occurred. And for that, I happily take all ridicule about the "Delp stomach".

And I look forward. My body will continue to waste away. However I have the opportunity, and so do you, to internally - spiritually, emotionally - actually get stronger. On my deathbed, I could be at the healthiest point of my entire life spiritually. I use the words "opportunity" and "could" because where I go internally is my choice.

For the past few years, I have been recovering from spiritual burnout. I have resisted most things "Christian" under the belief that it is full of cliche, hypocrisy and selfish human nature. However looking back, I have realized that my break has been about a few years too long. What I am in is a cycle of laziness. I have allowed life's current to sweep me along and carry me wherever it goes. And I have landed in a place that I don't want to be.

If you ask me where I have grown spiritually over the past few years, I don't know if I could give you a good answer. I could tell you that I feel I have actually gone backwards.

If that trend were to continue, I could not only waste away physically but spiritually as well.

And what good would that be?

People have and will continue to try and have control over the external facet of their life. And I can understand why. You have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday. You don't want to see an old lady or an old man. You want to see that person you were when you were 20. That cannot happen. I'm sure you have seen those people who from the side may look young - their clothes, their hair - but if you look at their face, you know they are much older.

I don't want to be one of those people. That is a losing battle.

Everyone tells me I look a lot younger than I am and "that's a good thing". So if I look like I am 25 when I am 40 it is by no conscious effort of my own. I DO want to be one of those people that others talk about in that way. You probably have talked about or heard about those people.

Those people that loved their neighbor more than themselves. Those people that gave more than they took. Those people that loved their spouse and their kids selflessly and sacrificially and you could tell because of what great people their kids turned out to be. Those people that never knew and never cared that others talked so highly of them because that was not their goal. I want to be one of those people.

And I can be. And I can grow as I waste away. I just have to want to. I have to try. I have to be disciplined. I have to choose to.

And if you read this blog, I would love your help to get there.