Reflecting on a Year

They say that time flies when you're having fun. I would like to challenge that statement. I would simply say that Time Flies. As I have gotten older, time has simply flown. The only time that time does not fly is when you are waiting at the DMV (which I guess makes it the antithesis of "having fun"). So looking back, I can hardly believe a year has passed since we moved from Pennsylvania to Illinois.

Last week, it was a year to the day that we started up the big moving truck and drove 14 hours through every form of weather imaginable and arrived, in six inches of snow, at our new home. I look at pictures of Missy, Riley and my mom as they sat in the Philadelphia airport waiting to take them on a one way flight to a new life. I remember our first morning in Illinois as we walked in the snow on the highway close to our house to get coffee and wonder how we weren't run over by one of the hundreds of cars going to work. Those first few days were a whirlwind of new beginnings. We laid out our living room, kitchen and bedrooms. We set up our basement to be both guest and kid friendly. We set up our utilities. It was a never ending process of starting new. It was exciting and terrifying.

Then there was my first day of work. It felt like the first day of school (I wore a tie!). However, my expectations were quickly destroyed. The job was different than what I had anticipated. Things that I didn't think I had to do and didn't want to do, I was now required to do. There were issues with health insurance, my computer, everything. I was in full fledged panic mode. I came home from my first day and cried.

Then we tried looking for a church. The first church we visited has less people than whatever room you are sitting in right now. They were extremely friendly but not for us. The next week we visited another church and it was here, that I hit my breaking point. Riley, who is the picture of social and excitement, wouldn't go into Sunday School. He typically RUNS into new situations with a smile on his face. However, this week, he clung to me. I did my very best to put on a happy face and tell him that church was fun and he would have a great time. However, inside I was dying. And then it came out. I sat in that service and cried uncontrollably. I still feel bad for the guy who sat next to me. I couldn't stop the feeling that this was a mistake. Everything had been a challenge and was awkward and was uncomfortable. It was everything that our old home was not.

After about two months, things started to BEGIN to feel comfortable. We started getting into a routine. I wasn't having panic attacks every morning before work. Then Ava was born. And our lives changed again. After two months of figuring out our new normal, we had an even newer one. And we had to start over again.

Now I can't tell you when things changed. I don't think it was a specific day or a specific moment. But I can tell you, sitting here, that it has. Missy and I are better parents, better spouses and better people for making this move. It was one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing we ever have done. We said goodbye to family and friends that we love dearly. But we did it with the thought that this was what was best for us and our kids. And I think we were right.

The challenges, the struggles, the tears, the pain, the awkwardness - THAT is what made us better. Had we chosen the safe, comfortable path of least resistence, there is no way we would be where we are today. If there is one thing that Missy and I have learned over the course of our time together, it is that we have grown the most in the times when we have been challenged. As normal humans, our desire is to comfortable, to have an easy life. However, as Christians, we are called to be challenged and uncomfortable because it is during these moments when we grow.

One thing that I must mention is that during this time, we realized just how much we are loved by our friends and family. The support, the encouragement and the love we received and continue to receive is more valuable to us than anything we can communicate. In a place where we often felt alone and on the outside, we had people who helped us make this our home.

There is a picture that was taken last summer when we took my parents downtown to the Hancock building. It was perfectly clear day with a million dollar view and a lunch that wasn't much cheaper. I looked at this picture and to me, it was the picture of what this move meant to me as a parent. It says to my kids (Riley in particular as Ava was sleeping somewhere), "here is your future". It is full of uncertainty, unknown challenges and unknown blessings.

Missy and I took the difficult leap of faith to move out here. Our hope is that as Riley and Ava grow up, they will look at their future, with its uncertainty, unknown challenges and unknown blessings and take those leaps of faith. Let's just hope they are smarter than us and don't move across the country in the dead of winter.