I have had a bad stomach since the turn of the century. It has become sort of common knowledge among people that know me. I have thought of mentioning it on my business cards. However, over the past few months, my bad stomach has become something more. It has become devastating.
Back in February, I started having "issues" (due to the nature of what I got, I am going to refer to violent diarrhea as "issues" from this point forward). I went to the doctor and they diagnosed me with something called c-difficile-something something. They just called it c-diff so I do too. I was on an antibiotic in January, that antibiotic killed all the "good bacteria" in my stomach, this allowed the c-diff which apparently was present all along to grow and here we were. So I got c-diff indirectly from an antibiotic. The cure? An antibiotic. Go figure. So I took the antibiotic and everything was fine.
Then April came.
In April, I started having "issues" again and they were worse than before. I went back to the doctor and again tested positive for c-diff and ALSO a bacteria popular in third world countries called campylobacter. So I went on TWO antibiotics and everything was fine.
Five days later.....
The issues came back. You see where I am going with this. The process repeats itself. I go on a NEW (and extremely expensive) medicine thinking that this will end it.
Five days later.....
The issues are back again. This time my test (which is also very expensive) comes back negative. I seriously have my doubts but what could I do? I pushed hard enough to get an appointment first thing Tuesday morning after Memorial Day weekend.
The first half of the weekend went pretty well but the second half did not. I woke up Tuesday morning thinking I might die. I somehow got to the doctor's office (though my car didn't start - BONUS!). The nurse took my vitals but didn't tell me what they were which I took as a bad sign. The doctor came in, looked me over and promptly left to call my family doctor to order a direct admission to the hospital. I don't think he knew I could hear him but I overheard him tell my doctor that I "looked like crap" which I don't think is a medical term. However, it was certainly accurate.
So off I went to the ER. I walked in and after some confusion, they took me to "direct admission". At the time, I didn't pick this up but I think "direct admission" is code for "keep him away from everyone". You see, c-diff is highly contagious in hospitals, especially with older people. So, once I was out of "direct admission", where did they send me? To the cardiac unit. Which was chock full of sick old people.
The nice part about being the leper of the colony is that you get your own room (and bathroom, thank God). The bad part is that for any staff member to come in, they have to put on the full plastic gown and gloves which requires effort which they were not inclined to do which meant it took a while for things to happen and people wouldn't come see me for long periods of time.
I would have to wait 15 minutes sometimes to have someone come in after pressing my nurse's call button. Meals took a while because the food staff wasn't allowed to bring it in to me. One morning at 5:30, they unplugged my IV to get me ready for a procedure (which did not allow me to eat - not a problem - or drink anything for 12+ hours). However, the procedure didn't happen until the afternoon. And no one came back in until after 8.
Despite the fact that people didn't come by that often, it did seem like my vitals (pulse, blood pressure, temperature and the oxygenation of my blood - yeah, I don't know what that is either and I asked) were the most fascinating thing on the planet. I had different people coming in all the time to check that. I had a few interns and new hires test it. I had nurses test it. I think the cleaning guy tested it once. Everyone wanted to see what my blood pressure was. They couldn't even wait until I woke up in the morning. They came in every night at 1:30 to wake me up and take my vitals. One time, the nurse even asked if I would stand up so she could weigh me. At 4 in the morning! I told her no. She seemed disappointed.
There is a lot of down time in a hospital. As I got more hydrated and started feeling better, I was sleeping less which left plenty of time to kill. I was grateful for the people that stopped by, called or texted while I sat in my room. My wonderful wife stayed with me more each day. She was able to because my wonderful mother-in-law drove four hours from Michigan to watch our kids. But even with guests and tv and books and my wonderful wife, there was still a lot of time to myself. I once thought that being in a hospital with so much time on your hands would be great. I no longer think that. There was some really good time. But in the end, I missed being home. I missed being with my kids. I missed being with my wife in a setting where I wasn't hooked up to an IV wearing a 30 year-old gown and trying to keep down Jello.
Finally, on Friday afternoon, when most other people were leaving work, I was celebrating the freedom of being out of a hospital. Of experiencing weather - the warm sun, the breeze, the humidity. I felt like I had been in a cocoon. Now I was out.
While I am feeling better, the end may not be in sight. In fact, on the last day, two of the doctors we saw gave opposing thoughts on what they thought was the cause of the recurring episodes. One thought that the current treatment would once and for all end the relapses. The other gave me a 40% chance of it coming back. So we pray that God will continue to give us the strength and grace to handle whatever comes ahead for me and my bad stomach. And that the inside scoop on my vitals can wait until the morning.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Sunday, May 01, 2011
Childhood Frozen in Time
I fully admit to being a nostalgic sap. Looking at old pictures or rummaging through boxes of old stuff always seems to put me in the scenario where I look up at the clock and an hour has gone by and I forgot why I had originally looked through these things in the first place.
So since Riley was born and since I get this nostalgic trait from my mom, I have thoroughly enjoyed watching my son play with the old toys that my mother has kept in the attic for the past few decades. Riley has thoroughly enjoyed playing with my old Matchbox cars which are timestamped from the 1970's and probably have lead based paint on them. I have been thrown back in time reading my old books to him - specifically "Elmer's a Big Boy Now"; the coming of age tale of a young elephant and his epic quest to use the potty. However, in playing with these Matchbox cars or reading about Elmer's digestive issues, I can't really say when the last time I actually interacted with these things myself. I remember playing with them and I remember reading them. However, I can't really capture the final moments when I put them away for the last time and relegating them to decades of waiting until the next generation of Delps were ready to enjoy them again.
That is until this last time in Pennsylvania. Riley is now 4 and has graduated to a few more mature (i.e. potentially edible) toys. Specifically Lego's. Now, I used to LOVE playing with Lego's. I would spend Sunday afternoons pouring out thousands of pieces onto my bed and then carefully constructing various planes, forts, all-terrain vehicles and vast worlds typically living somewhere in the outer reaches of the solar system. I would have a plan in my head. I would find certain pieces and set them aside or put them in my mouth (which occasionally led to the accidental ingestion of a red plastic light) and then slowly construct my masterpiece.
One afternoon, I saw that Mom had brought down my old Tupperware container of Legos. I opened it up so Riley could play with them and found this:
It is vintage elementary school Ryan: a Gatling gun, a captain's chair and storage for various space equipment. Here in my hand was a picture of me that was probably 25 years old. At some point in my young life (probably a Sunday afternoon), I was creating this space vehicle and for one reason or another, put it in my Tupperware container to come back to it another day. Only that day never came. So here was a physical snapshot of an actual moment from my childhood. A window into my young creativity that I could hold in my hands. Riley asked to hold it in his hands too which I allowed but only as I watched him as if he were holding a Faberge egg.
Riley was obviously less impressed and wanted me to build him something which I gladly did. The moment sent me back in time and my building juices started flowing. I began making little planes and cars and boats. Riley, however, wanted to simply play. Once his creation was built, he wanted to just play. I wanted to build. At one point, he finally said, "Daddy, will you stop building and play with me?" So I obliged and father and son drove our vehicles over the piles of Legos that used to consume my mind and Sunday afternoons.
Riley was in a garbage truck mood so I built him this:
It was the first creation I had made since that space battleship circa 1980-something. Since then I had graduated high school and college, traveled the world, fell in love with a beautiful woman and had two gorgeous kids. One of which was now driving over the Legos and picking up the small pieces because they were "garbage." To me, these were not garbage. They were a piece of my childhood, an express trip down memory lane, a reminder of how I would spend my Sunday afternoons.
I can't wait to play Legos with Riley again. We will have new creations to build. Now if I could just find that red plastic light?
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Reflecting on a Year
They say that time flies when you're having fun. I would like to challenge that statement. I would simply say that Time Flies. As I have gotten older, time has simply flown. The only time that time does not fly is when you are waiting at the DMV (which I guess makes it the antithesis of "having fun"). So looking back, I can hardly believe a year has passed since we moved from Pennsylvania to Illinois.
Last week, it was a year to the day that we started up the big moving truck and drove 14 hours through every form of weather imaginable and arrived, in six inches of snow, at our new home. I look at p
ictures of Missy, Riley and my mom as they sat in the Philadelphia airport waiting to take them on a one way flight to a new life. I remember our first morning in Illinois as we walked in the snow on the highway close to our house to get coffee and wonder how we weren't run over by one of the hundreds of cars going to work. Those first few days were a whirlwind of new beginnings. We laid out our living room, kitchen and bedrooms. We set up our basement to be both guest and kid friendly. We set up our utilities. It was a never ending process of starting new. It was exciting and terrifying.
ictures of Missy, Riley and my mom as they sat in the Philadelphia airport waiting to take them on a one way flight to a new life. I remember our first morning in Illinois as we walked in the snow on the highway close to our house to get coffee and wonder how we weren't run over by one of the hundreds of cars going to work. Those first few days were a whirlwind of new beginnings. We laid out our living room, kitchen and bedrooms. We set up our basement to be both guest and kid friendly. We set up our utilities. It was a never ending process of starting new. It was exciting and terrifying.Then there was my first day of work. It felt like the first day of school (I wore a tie!). However, my expectations were quickly destroyed. The job was different than what I had anticipated. Things that I didn't think I had to do and didn't want to do, I was now required to do. There were issues with health insurance, my computer, everything. I was in full fledged panic mode. I came home from my first day and cried.
Then we tried looking for a church. The first church we visited has less people than whatever room you are sitting in right now. They were extremely friendly but not for us. The next week we visited another church and it was here, that I hit my breaking point. Riley, who is the picture of social and excitement, wouldn't go into Sunday School. He typically RUNS into new situations with a smile on his face. However, this week, he clung to me. I did my very best to put on a happy face and tell him that church was fun and he would have a great time. However, inside I was dying. And then it came out. I sat in that service and cried uncontrollably. I still feel bad for the guy who sat next to me. I couldn't stop the feeling that this was a mistake. Everything had been a challenge and was awkward and was uncomfortable. It was everything that our old home was not.
After about two months, things started to BEGIN to feel comfortable. We started getting into a routine. I wasn't having panic attacks every morning before work. Then Ava was born. And our lives changed again. After two months of figuring out our new normal, we had an even newer one. And we had to start over again.
Now I can't tell you when things changed. I don't think it was a specific day or a specific moment. But I can tell you, sitting here, that it has. Missy and I are better parents, better spouses and better people for making this move. It was one of the hardest, if not THE hardest thing we ever have done. We said goodbye to family and friends that we love dearly. But we did it with the thought that this was what was best for us and our kids. And I think we were right.
The challenges, the struggles, the tears, the pain, the awkwardness - THAT is what made us better. Had we chosen the safe, comfortable path of least resistence, there is no way we would be where we are today. If there is one thing that Missy and I have learned over the course of our time together, it is that we have grown the most in the times when we have been challenged. As normal humans, our desire is to comfortable, to have an easy life. However, as Christians, we are called to be challenged and uncomfortable because it is during these moments when we grow.
One thing that I must mention is that during this time, we realized just how much we are loved by our friends and family. The support, the encouragement and the love we received and continue to receive is more valuable to us than anything we can communicate. In a place where we often felt alone and on the outside, we had people who helped us make this our home.
There is a picture that was taken last summer when we took my parents downtown to the Hancock building. It was perfectly clear day with a million dollar view and a lunch that wasn't much cheaper. I looked at this picture and to me, it was the picture of what this move meant to me as a parent. It says to my kids (Riley in particular as Ava was sleeping somewhere), "here is your future". It is full of uncertainty, unknown challenges and unknown blessings.
Missy and I took the difficult leap of faith to move out here. Our hope is that as Riley and Ava grow up, they will look at their future, with its uncertainty, unknown challenges and unknown blessings and take those leaps of faith. Let's just hope they are smarter than us and don't move across the country in the dead of winter.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
A Real Time Blog of the Oscars
Welcome to the 2011 blog of the Oscars. After a year's hiatus, I am back to share my thoughts on the lovefest that is the annual award show celebrating the year in cinema. Missy and I are once again making our blind choices for Best Everything. We have seen all of three (I think) movies that are up for awards. True Grit (a sweet night out that included a visit to an Irish Pub and deli sandwiches), Inception (a sweet night in using On Demand for the first time) and Harry Potter 7 (a sweet night at the Imax with my sister and bro in law). We did also see Iron Man2 but that won't win anything. So I have instilled some theories about who gets awards, in particular those that no one cares about - documentaries, short films, etc. Stay tuned:
OK - 8:35 - we are DVR'ing this so we are an hour behind but we will be fast forwarding through commercials and musical numbers. So we start with a montage of the best movie nominees. Nice that they are not trying to be too funny to start. Never mind. Here it comes. With the guy from Spiderman and Anne Hathaway hosting, this should be interesting. An Alec Baldwin sighting: nice. Ok, so Inception down and now Facebook movie. Ok, now they are in Back to the Future. So this is actually kind of funny. So far so good. The intro is usually the highlight of the show so we will see if it is downhill from here. Note: Missy says that Anne Hathaway is "Julie Roberts-esque". She wanted me to add that.
8:43 - So it has gone downhill. The opening exchange is a little rough. Though the Spiderman guy's grandmom is the comedic centerpiece. Not looking good.
8:45 - A reference to Gone with the Wind and now Tom Hanks is on stage. Why is he talking about Gone with the Wind? Now they are showing Titantic. They know this is a 3 hour show, right? Start presenting things! That is the biggest intro for Art Direction ever. And the winner for Art Direction is....."Alice in Wonderland" - Missy and I both went 0-fer. We didn't see that one. And now we begin the awkward acceptance speeches. This guy is sweating. Ok, so the guy used a prop that no one saw. This show is awkward.
8:50 - And now Best Cinematography - "Inception" - Missy and I both got this right because, well, we saw this movie. So the guy who won just said that he wants to "Just breath and take it in" and now he is on the clock. He is now speeding up his speech and Oh! Just under the wire, there is the music.
8:53 - (our first fast forward past the commercials, I love DVR) - Here comes Kirk Douglas. I was pretty sure he died 20 years ago but apparently not. Oh, he had a stroke. I have no soul. He is presenting something. I can't figure out exactly what it is. Best Supporting Actress. Missy and I both picked the girl from True Grit because, again, that was the one we saw. He is trying to be funny. Oh please stop. Just read it. It hurts. Please. Oh gosh. I feel sick. Reaching for the fast forward button....Melissa Leo of the Fighter. There were two nominees from this film so they played the odds. Kirk is still talking. Someone lead him off. I hope this lady gets an extra 3 minutes. And maybe not. She is just breathing. And she dropped the F-bomb. And now she is embarrassed. Reaching for the fast forward button.....she is using his cane to walk off. That was awful.
9:03 - Here comes Missy's boy, Justin Timberlake. So they are doing the animated films. So here is theory #1 - if the movie starts with "Pixar Presents" - it wins an award. If it is pro - environment and anti-business - it wins an Oscar. So my pick was for the animated short - "Let's Pollute". And I was wrong. Best Animated Short - The Lost Thing. When are these movies even shown? Who watches them? So these guys are Australian. I guess they are shown in Australia.
9:07 - Let's see if my second theory is right. Best Animated Film - Pixar Presents - Toy Story 3. I think every guy that I have ever seen win from Pixar was a grown up version of a 10 year old boy. I guess that makes sense.
9:11 - Josh Brolin and Javier Bardiem in white tuxes for Best Screenplay. Or Adapted Screenplay. I went with True Grit because everyone said "Have you seen the original? I like this better." The Facebook movie wins. I wonder how many people will "Like" that? Get it? "Like"? Facebook? I need to type something while this guy yaps away. Oh and here comes the music. He doesn't care. Talking faster......louder music.....who is going to win? Louder music....still talking. I think the winner is the guy. He just didn't stop. And NOW Best Screenplay. Why is Bardiem doing the nominees? I have no idea what he is saying. And the winner is Kings Speech. They were nominated for like 393749823 awards so I guess they need to get one. Once again, Inception is our downfall. This guy is the oldest person who ever won the award. He said his mom told him he was a late bloomer. That was the funniest thing so far. An update on the count - Missy - 1, Ryan - 2.
9:19 -Oh no, a musical number. Anne is mocking Hugh Jackman. At least they are not doing the Best Musical numbers for real. She actually has a pretty good voice. Why they took 3 minutes to just mock Jackman, I don't know. And the Spiderman guy is in drag and mocking Charlie Sheen.
9:22 - And the weirdest duo - Helen Mirren and Mr. Katy Perry. She is speaking French. Ok, I get it - Best Foreign Film - my theory here is if a film is nominated for ANYTHING else in another category, it will win best Foreign Film - Javier Bardiem is nominated for Best Actor in a foreign film so it will win. And that theory is shot too - a movie from Denmark won - A Better World. This is always interesting because these people are scared out of their minds and English is their second or third language.
9:25- Oh man, the announcer guy just botched the intro for Reese Witherspoon. When the announcer messes up, things are not looking good. Now we are to the Best Supporting Actor. My theory here is that if you mess up your body (gain or lose a billion pounds), you win. That's why I picked Christian Bale. And I was right. A British guy with a Boston accent. He deserves it. It is very odd seeing Batman with a nasty beard who actually sounds like the awkward drunk guy you meet in a pub in London. He should win every award just because he is hiding this awful accent. I can't believe he sounds like this. He just said, "Where's my quacker?" I bet he going to get a pint or three and then watch Manchester United play after this.
9:31 - There are two people who must be part of "The Man". I think they just made a big announcement but no one gets it. OK, so ABC will do the Oscars through 2020. They get their own part of the show for that? No wonder this show goes over three hours.
9:33 - Two beautiful Aussies - Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman are going over the history of sound in movies and now here comes the symphony playing all the classics, so this must be Best....Sound Editing.....no, Sound Mixing.....no, Best Song.....oh and the one I didn't pick, Best Original Score. No theories here. Just the fast forward button. Wait, Trent Reznor is up for an Oscar. If the lead singer of Nine Inch Nails who sang one of the most profane songs in history wins an Oscar, I am holding onto my couch because the world will stop rotating. He did. The world is coming to an end. They just announced that this is the first nomination for Trent Reznor. Really? He cut his hair so he looks normal. He was calm, collected, I just don't have words. This may stay with me a while. Trent Reznor just won an Oscar and looked and sounded more normal than anyone else on stage.
9:39 - Scarlett Johannsen and that goof McCounohey or however you spell it are up for Best Looking Presenters - no - Best Sound Mixing - Inception is the winner. I think every one of these type of awards we picked Inception because, well, you should know by now. And now Best Sound Editing - by the way, how do you edit sound? Do they know how long the sound of a gun going off is? Oh! And Inception wins again. We are on a hot streak. And somehow it is a different guy. Can't they cut some corners and have the guy who "mixes" also "edit". Do they sit next to each other? I should run this stuff.
9:49 - Oh it is Marisa Tomei. She is great. I will like her forever because she had a crush on George on Seinfeld. Ok, so she awarded the Scientific nerds earlier this month. They weren't even allowed to the cool kid party. I bet those guys were happy just to talk to Marisa Tomei. And Franco just called them nerds outright. So he wins one point from me.
9:52 - Here is Kate Blanchett with the Best Makeup. And she just won an Oscar for Best Nominee in a Supporting Role. The winner is: The Wolfman. And the guy who won might be a Wolfman. Creepy. Missy and I both picked this one because it seemed logical. You are turning a guy into a wolf. How can anyone compete with that? Also, there were only 3 nominees. It must have been a slow year for makeup. Kate is still up there. Best Costume design. I would think the person made her dress should be nominated. It looks like there should be a clock in the middle of her dress. The winner - Alice in Wonderland. That would make sense. Tim Burton is the oddest person alive. He makes a movie about a fantasy world. This was a layup. This lady is reading. And fast forwarding.....
9:58 - The man on the street opinions of Best Song and then the Man on the Street - Pennsylvania Ave. - President Obama saying it should be "As Time Goes By". I guess that is the winner. Hey, there is Kevin Spacey. I don't think he has done anything since The Negotiator. Ok , so my next theory. If the Best Song starts with "From Pixar's...." it will win Best Song. So THAT is what the guy who does all of the Pixar movies looks like. Randy Newman. His voices makes me smile and think everything will be ok. I don't care about the rest. Fast forward button.
10:03 - Why does Spiderman guy always have a smile that looks like he stole something.........and then smoked it? Here is Jake Gyllenhallllll and Amy Adams for Best Documentary Short with a good point: this IS probably the hardest one to pick on your home ballot. I had no idea. I picked "Killing in the Name" because that is the name of a song by Rage Against the Machine. And I was wrong. Strangers No More. Who WATCHES these things? I honestly want to know where they are played. And now we are to the Best Live Action Short. Wait, aren't they the same thing? God of Love won. This guy has a crazy afro and is running. I can't wait to hear what he says. He should have gotten a haircut. Ok, thanks man. He just said you can find them on itunes. Whoa, ok, man. Ease off the espresso. I would say that was the Best Original moment.
10:11 - I am not sure what this is but it is funny. They are making scenes from movies with that voicebox thing that connects with guitars. Kind of random but funny.
10:13 - Aw, there is Oprah. She is presenting for Best Documentary. Just by her mentioning their names, they will become the five most highest grossing films of all time. My theory here is similar to the other films that no one sees - make it pro-environment and anti-business and you will win. So I went with "Waste Land" (I was also thinking "Gas Land") but I was wrong. The winner is Inside Job. Ok, so the name wasn't so explicit but this one apparently was anti-business. The guy started by saying that all CEO's should go to jail. Oh by the way, thanks for all those who helped make this possible. Oprah just gave him the $3 billion she had in her purse.
10:17 - Hey there is Billy Crystal. He is getting a standing O. I think he used to present like 20 years ago. Which was the last time he was on TV. He is talking about Bob Hope and how he used to host the Oscars. So they have a kind of ghost of Bob Hope. Is he going to present? He is going to present the awards for Best Visual Effects - no make that he is going to present Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. That was kind of odd. They are making fun of Downey's drug days. Good times. This was a tough one because we saw THREE of these - Inception, Harry Potter and Iron Man2. And the winner is Inception. Missy gets one up on me. I had a 50/50 shot as Iron Man was terrible. I took Harry Potter and she took Inception. And now they are going with Film Editing - The Facebook movie. I would be very curious to know what makes good editing. Every Facebook winner has thanked the director and when they go to him, he looks like he is waiting for a bomb to go off.
10:28 - So here are the other two nominated songs and here is the fast forward button.....wait, Gwyneth Paltrow is singing? Man, does she have some pull. She wins an Academy Award for Best Actress and now she tries singing and what happens? She is up for an Academy Award for Best Song. I just don't think she can beat the Pixar juggernaut, Randy Newman. And I'm right. This guy is the Merrill Streep of Best Song. Now he is ripping the Academy. I want to hang out with this guy. He is like 90 but pretty awesome.
A quick update of the score - Missy - 6 Ryan - 7
And now we see who died this year and they bring out Celine Dion to sing a song called "Smile". If I were related to the people who died, I don't know if I would pick a song about smiling for the theme song. Gotta love Hollywood. Ok, so let's monitor the applause-o-meter to see who gets the biggest cheer for dying. Apparently they shut down on the clapping. Leslie Nielsen scrolled by and nothing. I wonder if Celine Dion put the kabosh on that one. Dennis Hopper....nothing. She must have. That crazy Canadian didn't want any noise during her singing.
And now here is Halle Berry talking about someone. It doesn't matter who. I vote for more Halle Berry and less of the Spiderman guy.
10:43 - It is getting late and all the big ones are still up. I wonder why they have the Best Supporting Actress so early and then no other big ones until the end. Anyway, we just had Anne Hathaway introduced Hilary Swank who introduced the lady who won Best Director last year. So we are to Art Direction which is a relief because I thought I missed it and was going to have to start all over again. This was another 50/50 for Missy and I with Potter and Inception. And the winner is "The King's Speech". I guess I need to this movie. Missy loves Colin Firth. I think we have our next Netflix pick in the queue. This guy is going on and on and telling a way too in detail story about his mom and this movie and they didn't give him the music treatment. I guess Art Direction gets more time.
10:49 - Here is Annette Benning talking about another ceremony where they honored guys who did stuff. I guess this is lifetime achievement awards? These guys are old and everyone is standing and there is lots of music. It must be a lifetime achievement award. There is Francis Ford Coppola. He did the Godfather movies so I am standing and applauding too.
10:52 - Here is Jeff Bridges with the Best Actress awards. He obviously hasn't shaved since True Grit. Here is my theory on this one. If there is someone named "Natalie Portman" in the mix, she wins. Because I want her too. She is pregnant so it will be interesting to see her walk up those steps. And the winner is - Natalie Portman. Oh good, her husband helped her up the steps. Please don't go into labor. Please don't go into labor. Wow, she is thanking a billion people. Will she thank the caterer? No.
11:00 - Here is Sandra Bullock with the Best Actor nominees. Remember when she was in Speed? She is great. She is just ripping the guys. The Facebook guy looks terrified. I wonder how the Spiderman guy who is hosting will also react to being ripped by Sandra Bullock. He is backstage and he probably just took something for the nerves. And the winner: Colin Firth. Missy, if she was still conscious, would be so happy. To hear him talk in his smooth British accent compared to Christian Bale makes me wonder if there was a time when Christian was Colin's landscaper.
11:10 - Man, are we over the time. Here is Spielberg. That means we are at the Best Picture awards. Oh gosh, did I miss Best Director? Please tell me I don't have to go back. Ryan wants sleepy. I am always a sucker for montages so as they are showing all the movies with the Colin Firth's (The King) Speech in the background. So here is the Best Picture - The King's Speech. When you use the actual speech to intro all of the other movies, there is a pretty good chance you will win. But I am pretty sure this means I missed Best Director.
11:18 - Here comes a bunch of kids to sing Somewhere over the Rainbow. Isn't it past their bedtime. And does anyone know who won Best Director? Anyone?
Final tally on the awards:
Ryan - 12
Missy - 7
Well it's past my bedtime so here is to another year of the Oscars. Thankfully, I am on Central time so it is only 11:21. And congratulations to the Best Director. Whoever you are.
OK - 8:35 - we are DVR'ing this so we are an hour behind but we will be fast forwarding through commercials and musical numbers. So we start with a montage of the best movie nominees. Nice that they are not trying to be too funny to start. Never mind. Here it comes. With the guy from Spiderman and Anne Hathaway hosting, this should be interesting. An Alec Baldwin sighting: nice. Ok, so Inception down and now Facebook movie. Ok, now they are in Back to the Future. So this is actually kind of funny. So far so good. The intro is usually the highlight of the show so we will see if it is downhill from here. Note: Missy says that Anne Hathaway is "Julie Roberts-esque". She wanted me to add that.
8:43 - So it has gone downhill. The opening exchange is a little rough. Though the Spiderman guy's grandmom is the comedic centerpiece. Not looking good.
8:45 - A reference to Gone with the Wind and now Tom Hanks is on stage. Why is he talking about Gone with the Wind? Now they are showing Titantic. They know this is a 3 hour show, right? Start presenting things! That is the biggest intro for Art Direction ever. And the winner for Art Direction is....."Alice in Wonderland" - Missy and I both went 0-fer. We didn't see that one. And now we begin the awkward acceptance speeches. This guy is sweating. Ok, so the guy used a prop that no one saw. This show is awkward.
8:50 - And now Best Cinematography - "Inception" - Missy and I both got this right because, well, we saw this movie. So the guy who won just said that he wants to "Just breath and take it in" and now he is on the clock. He is now speeding up his speech and Oh! Just under the wire, there is the music.
8:53 - (our first fast forward past the commercials, I love DVR) - Here comes Kirk Douglas. I was pretty sure he died 20 years ago but apparently not. Oh, he had a stroke. I have no soul. He is presenting something. I can't figure out exactly what it is. Best Supporting Actress. Missy and I both picked the girl from True Grit because, again, that was the one we saw. He is trying to be funny. Oh please stop. Just read it. It hurts. Please. Oh gosh. I feel sick. Reaching for the fast forward button....Melissa Leo of the Fighter. There were two nominees from this film so they played the odds. Kirk is still talking. Someone lead him off. I hope this lady gets an extra 3 minutes. And maybe not. She is just breathing. And she dropped the F-bomb. And now she is embarrassed. Reaching for the fast forward button.....she is using his cane to walk off. That was awful.
9:03 - Here comes Missy's boy, Justin Timberlake. So they are doing the animated films. So here is theory #1 - if the movie starts with "Pixar Presents" - it wins an award. If it is pro - environment and anti-business - it wins an Oscar. So my pick was for the animated short - "Let's Pollute". And I was wrong. Best Animated Short - The Lost Thing. When are these movies even shown? Who watches them? So these guys are Australian. I guess they are shown in Australia.
9:07 - Let's see if my second theory is right. Best Animated Film - Pixar Presents - Toy Story 3. I think every guy that I have ever seen win from Pixar was a grown up version of a 10 year old boy. I guess that makes sense.
9:11 - Josh Brolin and Javier Bardiem in white tuxes for Best Screenplay. Or Adapted Screenplay. I went with True Grit because everyone said "Have you seen the original? I like this better." The Facebook movie wins. I wonder how many people will "Like" that? Get it? "Like"? Facebook? I need to type something while this guy yaps away. Oh and here comes the music. He doesn't care. Talking faster......louder music.....who is going to win? Louder music....still talking. I think the winner is the guy. He just didn't stop. And NOW Best Screenplay. Why is Bardiem doing the nominees? I have no idea what he is saying. And the winner is Kings Speech. They were nominated for like 393749823 awards so I guess they need to get one. Once again, Inception is our downfall. This guy is the oldest person who ever won the award. He said his mom told him he was a late bloomer. That was the funniest thing so far. An update on the count - Missy - 1, Ryan - 2.
9:19 -Oh no, a musical number. Anne is mocking Hugh Jackman. At least they are not doing the Best Musical numbers for real. She actually has a pretty good voice. Why they took 3 minutes to just mock Jackman, I don't know. And the Spiderman guy is in drag and mocking Charlie Sheen.
9:22 - And the weirdest duo - Helen Mirren and Mr. Katy Perry. She is speaking French. Ok, I get it - Best Foreign Film - my theory here is if a film is nominated for ANYTHING else in another category, it will win best Foreign Film - Javier Bardiem is nominated for Best Actor in a foreign film so it will win. And that theory is shot too - a movie from Denmark won - A Better World. This is always interesting because these people are scared out of their minds and English is their second or third language.
9:25- Oh man, the announcer guy just botched the intro for Reese Witherspoon. When the announcer messes up, things are not looking good. Now we are to the Best Supporting Actor. My theory here is that if you mess up your body (gain or lose a billion pounds), you win. That's why I picked Christian Bale. And I was right. A British guy with a Boston accent. He deserves it. It is very odd seeing Batman with a nasty beard who actually sounds like the awkward drunk guy you meet in a pub in London. He should win every award just because he is hiding this awful accent. I can't believe he sounds like this. He just said, "Where's my quacker?" I bet he going to get a pint or three and then watch Manchester United play after this.
9:31 - There are two people who must be part of "The Man". I think they just made a big announcement but no one gets it. OK, so ABC will do the Oscars through 2020. They get their own part of the show for that? No wonder this show goes over three hours.
9:33 - Two beautiful Aussies - Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman are going over the history of sound in movies and now here comes the symphony playing all the classics, so this must be Best....Sound Editing.....no, Sound Mixing.....no, Best Song.....oh and the one I didn't pick, Best Original Score. No theories here. Just the fast forward button. Wait, Trent Reznor is up for an Oscar. If the lead singer of Nine Inch Nails who sang one of the most profane songs in history wins an Oscar, I am holding onto my couch because the world will stop rotating. He did. The world is coming to an end. They just announced that this is the first nomination for Trent Reznor. Really? He cut his hair so he looks normal. He was calm, collected, I just don't have words. This may stay with me a while. Trent Reznor just won an Oscar and looked and sounded more normal than anyone else on stage.
9:39 - Scarlett Johannsen and that goof McCounohey or however you spell it are up for Best Looking Presenters - no - Best Sound Mixing - Inception is the winner. I think every one of these type of awards we picked Inception because, well, you should know by now. And now Best Sound Editing - by the way, how do you edit sound? Do they know how long the sound of a gun going off is? Oh! And Inception wins again. We are on a hot streak. And somehow it is a different guy. Can't they cut some corners and have the guy who "mixes" also "edit". Do they sit next to each other? I should run this stuff.
9:49 - Oh it is Marisa Tomei. She is great. I will like her forever because she had a crush on George on Seinfeld. Ok, so she awarded the Scientific nerds earlier this month. They weren't even allowed to the cool kid party. I bet those guys were happy just to talk to Marisa Tomei. And Franco just called them nerds outright. So he wins one point from me.
9:52 - Here is Kate Blanchett with the Best Makeup. And she just won an Oscar for Best Nominee in a Supporting Role. The winner is: The Wolfman. And the guy who won might be a Wolfman. Creepy. Missy and I both picked this one because it seemed logical. You are turning a guy into a wolf. How can anyone compete with that? Also, there were only 3 nominees. It must have been a slow year for makeup. Kate is still up there. Best Costume design. I would think the person made her dress should be nominated. It looks like there should be a clock in the middle of her dress. The winner - Alice in Wonderland. That would make sense. Tim Burton is the oddest person alive. He makes a movie about a fantasy world. This was a layup. This lady is reading. And fast forwarding.....
9:58 - The man on the street opinions of Best Song and then the Man on the Street - Pennsylvania Ave. - President Obama saying it should be "As Time Goes By". I guess that is the winner. Hey, there is Kevin Spacey. I don't think he has done anything since The Negotiator. Ok , so my next theory. If the Best Song starts with "From Pixar's...." it will win Best Song. So THAT is what the guy who does all of the Pixar movies looks like. Randy Newman. His voices makes me smile and think everything will be ok. I don't care about the rest. Fast forward button.
10:03 - Why does Spiderman guy always have a smile that looks like he stole something.........and then smoked it? Here is Jake Gyllenhallllll and Amy Adams for Best Documentary Short with a good point: this IS probably the hardest one to pick on your home ballot. I had no idea. I picked "Killing in the Name" because that is the name of a song by Rage Against the Machine. And I was wrong. Strangers No More. Who WATCHES these things? I honestly want to know where they are played. And now we are to the Best Live Action Short. Wait, aren't they the same thing? God of Love won. This guy has a crazy afro and is running. I can't wait to hear what he says. He should have gotten a haircut. Ok, thanks man. He just said you can find them on itunes. Whoa, ok, man. Ease off the espresso. I would say that was the Best Original moment.
10:11 - I am not sure what this is but it is funny. They are making scenes from movies with that voicebox thing that connects with guitars. Kind of random but funny.
10:13 - Aw, there is Oprah. She is presenting for Best Documentary. Just by her mentioning their names, they will become the five most highest grossing films of all time. My theory here is similar to the other films that no one sees - make it pro-environment and anti-business and you will win. So I went with "Waste Land" (I was also thinking "Gas Land") but I was wrong. The winner is Inside Job. Ok, so the name wasn't so explicit but this one apparently was anti-business. The guy started by saying that all CEO's should go to jail. Oh by the way, thanks for all those who helped make this possible. Oprah just gave him the $3 billion she had in her purse.
10:17 - Hey there is Billy Crystal. He is getting a standing O. I think he used to present like 20 years ago. Which was the last time he was on TV. He is talking about Bob Hope and how he used to host the Oscars. So they have a kind of ghost of Bob Hope. Is he going to present? He is going to present the awards for Best Visual Effects - no make that he is going to present Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. That was kind of odd. They are making fun of Downey's drug days. Good times. This was a tough one because we saw THREE of these - Inception, Harry Potter and Iron Man2. And the winner is Inception. Missy gets one up on me. I had a 50/50 shot as Iron Man was terrible. I took Harry Potter and she took Inception. And now they are going with Film Editing - The Facebook movie. I would be very curious to know what makes good editing. Every Facebook winner has thanked the director and when they go to him, he looks like he is waiting for a bomb to go off.
10:28 - So here are the other two nominated songs and here is the fast forward button.....wait, Gwyneth Paltrow is singing? Man, does she have some pull. She wins an Academy Award for Best Actress and now she tries singing and what happens? She is up for an Academy Award for Best Song. I just don't think she can beat the Pixar juggernaut, Randy Newman. And I'm right. This guy is the Merrill Streep of Best Song. Now he is ripping the Academy. I want to hang out with this guy. He is like 90 but pretty awesome.
A quick update of the score - Missy - 6 Ryan - 7
And now we see who died this year and they bring out Celine Dion to sing a song called "Smile". If I were related to the people who died, I don't know if I would pick a song about smiling for the theme song. Gotta love Hollywood. Ok, so let's monitor the applause-o-meter to see who gets the biggest cheer for dying. Apparently they shut down on the clapping. Leslie Nielsen scrolled by and nothing. I wonder if Celine Dion put the kabosh on that one. Dennis Hopper....nothing. She must have. That crazy Canadian didn't want any noise during her singing.
And now here is Halle Berry talking about someone. It doesn't matter who. I vote for more Halle Berry and less of the Spiderman guy.
10:43 - It is getting late and all the big ones are still up. I wonder why they have the Best Supporting Actress so early and then no other big ones until the end. Anyway, we just had Anne Hathaway introduced Hilary Swank who introduced the lady who won Best Director last year. So we are to Art Direction which is a relief because I thought I missed it and was going to have to start all over again. This was another 50/50 for Missy and I with Potter and Inception. And the winner is "The King's Speech". I guess I need to this movie. Missy loves Colin Firth. I think we have our next Netflix pick in the queue. This guy is going on and on and telling a way too in detail story about his mom and this movie and they didn't give him the music treatment. I guess Art Direction gets more time.
10:49 - Here is Annette Benning talking about another ceremony where they honored guys who did stuff. I guess this is lifetime achievement awards? These guys are old and everyone is standing and there is lots of music. It must be a lifetime achievement award. There is Francis Ford Coppola. He did the Godfather movies so I am standing and applauding too.
10:52 - Here is Jeff Bridges with the Best Actress awards. He obviously hasn't shaved since True Grit. Here is my theory on this one. If there is someone named "Natalie Portman" in the mix, she wins. Because I want her too. She is pregnant so it will be interesting to see her walk up those steps. And the winner is - Natalie Portman. Oh good, her husband helped her up the steps. Please don't go into labor. Please don't go into labor. Wow, she is thanking a billion people. Will she thank the caterer? No.
11:00 - Here is Sandra Bullock with the Best Actor nominees. Remember when she was in Speed? She is great. She is just ripping the guys. The Facebook guy looks terrified. I wonder how the Spiderman guy who is hosting will also react to being ripped by Sandra Bullock. He is backstage and he probably just took something for the nerves. And the winner: Colin Firth. Missy, if she was still conscious, would be so happy. To hear him talk in his smooth British accent compared to Christian Bale makes me wonder if there was a time when Christian was Colin's landscaper.
11:10 - Man, are we over the time. Here is Spielberg. That means we are at the Best Picture awards. Oh gosh, did I miss Best Director? Please tell me I don't have to go back. Ryan wants sleepy. I am always a sucker for montages so as they are showing all the movies with the Colin Firth's (The King) Speech in the background. So here is the Best Picture - The King's Speech. When you use the actual speech to intro all of the other movies, there is a pretty good chance you will win. But I am pretty sure this means I missed Best Director.
11:18 - Here comes a bunch of kids to sing Somewhere over the Rainbow. Isn't it past their bedtime. And does anyone know who won Best Director? Anyone?
Final tally on the awards:
Ryan - 12
Missy - 7
Well it's past my bedtime so here is to another year of the Oscars. Thankfully, I am on Central time so it is only 11:21. And congratulations to the Best Director. Whoever you are.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The United Nations of Volleyball
I love volleyball. I have played it, technically, since I was like 7 years old at family camp. I have played organized volleyball since I was a freshman in high school. I won't tell you how long ago that was but I will tell that Bush #1 was in office. I played all through high school and college. I played (and won my only intramural championships) as an employee at Taylor for two years after I graduated. When I moved back to PA, I joined a team and played with them for longer than I have been married. Let me say again: I love volleyball.
So when we moved to Chicago, one thing that was initially on the itinerary was to find and join a volleyball team. However, the transition to the area followed by the transition of baby #2 followed by me being lazy led to a full 365 days going by where I didn't play a single game of volleyball. Finally, with the prompting and research of my beautiful wife, I stepped onto the court last night for the first time in a year.
The local facility (I won't go into the explanation of what a park district is but just know they are pretty cool if you like doing active or outdoorsy things) has an open gym twice a week. I had heard that these go on and that they were competitive. Now the word "competitive" can mean different things to different people. I have heard family reunion games described as "competitive". So I was not sure what to expect. What I got was the United Nations of Volleyball.
I am used to playing with good old fashioned white American guys. My experience has been that volleyball seems to be a sport played predominantly by white guys. I find this odd as there is a lot of jumping involved and the notion has always been that white guys can't jump. They should make a movie about that some time. I walked in the gym and there was one court set up with, what else, white guys. They obviously played every week because the sides were chosen and some were wearing uniforms. So court 1 was pretty well taken and no one was getting on there.
However, on court 2.....
There were six guys, myself included, kind of standing around looking to play some volleyball. They were: me - white guy #1, Chris - white guy #2, Francis - an Indian, Luis - a Hispanic and two guys whose names I never got but they were Polish. Soon, a few more guys came: another Indian guy, a few more Polish guys and a Chinese guy named "Tom". So if you are keeping track, that is two white guys, two Indians, a Hispanic, at least four Polish guys (apparently the Polish love volleyball, who knew?) and a Chinese guy named "Tom". It was easily the most diverse group of people I have ever played with. It was the United Nations of Volleyball.
Now, I wouldn't say that it was the highest level of volleyball I have ever played in my life. However, for me playing for the first time in a year, it was great. But the thing that stood out to me the most was just how well everyone got along. Here we were, guys from all kinds of different backgrounds, nationalities and skill sets, playing together for a couple of hours and just having a great time. There were lots of laughs and high fives. There were no arguments (I can't say the same for Court 1) and we all shook hands after every game.
After a few hours, my body reminded me that I hadn't played in a year and I called it a night. Before I left, I shook hands with a number of guys and promised I would be back. Now, I miss my team from PA and nothing will ever replace those guys. However, I do look forward to again being a delegate at the United Nations of Volleyball.
Though sitting here a day after playing for three straight hours, being able to move only my fingers as every other part of my body is in agony, I may take a week off to recover.
So when we moved to Chicago, one thing that was initially on the itinerary was to find and join a volleyball team. However, the transition to the area followed by the transition of baby #2 followed by me being lazy led to a full 365 days going by where I didn't play a single game of volleyball. Finally, with the prompting and research of my beautiful wife, I stepped onto the court last night for the first time in a year.
The local facility (I won't go into the explanation of what a park district is but just know they are pretty cool if you like doing active or outdoorsy things) has an open gym twice a week. I had heard that these go on and that they were competitive. Now the word "competitive" can mean different things to different people. I have heard family reunion games described as "competitive". So I was not sure what to expect. What I got was the United Nations of Volleyball.
I am used to playing with good old fashioned white American guys. My experience has been that volleyball seems to be a sport played predominantly by white guys. I find this odd as there is a lot of jumping involved and the notion has always been that white guys can't jump. They should make a movie about that some time. I walked in the gym and there was one court set up with, what else, white guys. They obviously played every week because the sides were chosen and some were wearing uniforms. So court 1 was pretty well taken and no one was getting on there.
However, on court 2.....
There were six guys, myself included, kind of standing around looking to play some volleyball. They were: me - white guy #1, Chris - white guy #2, Francis - an Indian, Luis - a Hispanic and two guys whose names I never got but they were Polish. Soon, a few more guys came: another Indian guy, a few more Polish guys and a Chinese guy named "Tom". So if you are keeping track, that is two white guys, two Indians, a Hispanic, at least four Polish guys (apparently the Polish love volleyball, who knew?) and a Chinese guy named "Tom". It was easily the most diverse group of people I have ever played with. It was the United Nations of Volleyball.
Now, I wouldn't say that it was the highest level of volleyball I have ever played in my life. However, for me playing for the first time in a year, it was great. But the thing that stood out to me the most was just how well everyone got along. Here we were, guys from all kinds of different backgrounds, nationalities and skill sets, playing together for a couple of hours and just having a great time. There were lots of laughs and high fives. There were no arguments (I can't say the same for Court 1) and we all shook hands after every game.
After a few hours, my body reminded me that I hadn't played in a year and I called it a night. Before I left, I shook hands with a number of guys and promised I would be back. Now, I miss my team from PA and nothing will ever replace those guys. However, I do look forward to again being a delegate at the United Nations of Volleyball.
Though sitting here a day after playing for three straight hours, being able to move only my fingers as every other part of my body is in agony, I may take a week off to recover.
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