Puerto Rico

So for our fifth anniversary, I thought it might be fun to get away for a long weekend. When I discovered I could cash in my travel miles and get two free flights to Puerto Rico, I jumped on it. Coupled with the fact that I could get a room at a four star hotel on the beach (with a casino!!!!) for just over $100 a night, I was sold.

So last Thursday we took off bright and early for PR. It was our first long(ish) trip without Riley. We have done a couple of overnights without him but this was going to be five days and five (which should have been four but there was a flight screwup that bumped our return flight by 4 hours) nights of just Missy and I.

In short, we had a wonderful time. We slept in - all the way until 7:30! We had meals together, whether they be at a local bagel place or by the beach. We toured Old San Juan which was beautiful and OLD. We took LOTS of self-taken pictures - you know the ones where you see two people, some sort of background and then part of a person's arm reaching out towards the camera. Looking back, we should have hired someone to take our picture. My arm is still tired. We watched a salsa band perform and watched locals salsa dance to their music. That was an incredible experience. You could see on everyones' faces - both the musicians and the dancers - that they truly loved what they were doing. I did not understand one single word that was sung but still bought a CD. We hit the casino a few nights. I was up $100 in blackjack until the last night but they brought in a closer who cleaned me out of $40 faster than I could say "pina colada". We drank pina coladas and Coronas too.

I think the highlight for me, other than spending five pure uninterupted days with Missy of course, was going to the rainforest east of San Juan. We rented a car - like we were on the Amazing Race - and drove 45 minutes to El Yunque National Park. We drove up 13 miles of 45 degree inclines and hairpin turns. However, once we parked, we trekked through a beautiful, lush rainforest complete with waterfalls, breathtaking views and, of course, rain. While heading down the trail after reaching the highest lookout tower, Missy and I were having an intellectual conversation about how we felt like we were on the Island on "Lost". All of a suddent the skies opened up and it began to rain. Like the kind of rain you would imagine being in while in a rainforest. Sudden, strong and loud. However, with the canopy above us, we didn't really get that wet. We sought refuge under a large leaf and took a few pictures. It was the perfect setting with the perfect person. I couldn't have described a better moment.

Looking back, I was excited to have a few days where I could wake on my own as opposed to be awoken by a baby monitor. I was excited to have meals that didn't involve cleaning up messes on the floor (unless Missy made one but that's another story) or wiping off dirty hands in between bites of my own food. I knew I would miss Riley. But what I didn't expect was how much.

Every child we saw brought up thoughts of Riley. We would just sit and smile at every kid we came across. We would look at his picture on our phones. We would tell anyone who would listen that we had an 18 month old at home. The sounds of Puerto Rico were wonderful. The ocean. The breeze. The rain. The Spanish. But the sound I missed was that of scampering. Like just about every small boy, Riley has only one way to get from point A to point B. And that is to run. I missed that sound.

So needless to say, we had a wonderful time. It was time that Missy and I absolutely needed. I would go back to PR again. But it's good to be home. Waking up to the ocean is nice but waking up to a little boy laughing is better.

Five years....

A little of five years ago (it was five years on Saturday), I married my best friend. The fact that it has been five years absolutely blows me away. It was a day that brought on panic attacks only two years prior to it actually happening. On the actual day, I couldn't have been more calm or more happy or more excited.

Since then, the wedding money has been spent. The wedding gifts have been used excessively (or returned, shhhh). The wedding cake has been tossed - we never got to eat it since it was in a freezer in Michigan and we were in PA. The day is five years in the past. However, the story of Missy and Ryan has continued and grown.

Through one apartment, one house, four cars, four churches, eight - yes eight - jobs, trips to the cliffs overlooking Boston, the bars of Key West and the battlegrounds of Gettysburg (and in three days the beaches of Puerto Rico!!!!), countless Sundays, Thursdays and weekends with the youth group of Grace Bible Church, family trips to Maryland, New York, Florida, Wisconsin and Michigan. Laughter, tears, "disagreements", romantic dinners. Oh, and the most beautiful child in the history of children.

Miss, I love you more today than I ever could have imagined loving anyone. Five years has felt like five days. I can't wait to see how God uses us, grows us, molds us, stretches us and loves us over the next five years.

Happy anniversary, beautiful.

Gentlemen, start your engines

I am not a racing fan. I guess I have too many teeth. Riley, on the other hand, doesn't have all of his teeth and so he loves racing. He also has learned something from Daddy about taking advantage of your opponent when you have a chance.

Getting Older

Happy Labor Day everyone. It has been a while but I have found a moment to sneak away, grab an adult beverage and type some thoughts.

In the last few years (especially since hitting 30), I have become more cognicent of getting older. I have started waking up in the morning with pains in various places. I don't have quite as much hair as I used to though I have done better than some of my contemporaries. I had to have my contacts prescription strengthened recently. And the big one, I am not being carded AS MUCH when I buy alchol.

To be honest, this terrifies me. I am used to eating whatever I want and doing whatever I want with not negative consequences. I am used to playing sports or doing active things and jumping out of bed the next morning rather than painfully crawling out. I still see myself as a 20 year old kid with no responsibilities. In actuality, I am 31 year old man with a number of responsibilities. One of the biggest is sleeping (at least he is in his bed, whether or not he is sleeping is anyone's guess) 15 feet away from me. I am getting older and will continue to get older and there is nothing I can do about it.

A day will come when I can't hit a golf ball as far as I do now. A day will come when I will have difficulty walking. A day will come when I will have difficulty seeing. And a day will come when my body finally wears out to the point of expiration. It's inevitable. And there is nothing I can do about it.

And I hate the thought of that.

This past Sunday in church during communion, they ran a series of verses on the screens for us to read and ponder. One of them hit me right in the face on this very subject. I don't know that I have ever read this verse before but it has instantly joined the list of my favorite verses.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day" 2 Corinthians 4:16

I instantly reflected on my life and where I was when I was 20. Physically, I could dunk a basketball. I could eat anything at any time with no problems hours later. But internally and spiritually, I was an immature child.

I thought of my broken engagement with Missy. The stress of that event permanently shredded my stomach. That event was also the single greatest influence in my spiritual growth. I would not be the man I am today, the husband I am today, the father I am today, the Christian I am today if that event had not occurred. And for that, I happily take all ridicule about the "Delp stomach".

And I look forward. My body will continue to waste away. However I have the opportunity, and so do you, to internally - spiritually, emotionally - actually get stronger. On my deathbed, I could be at the healthiest point of my entire life spiritually. I use the words "opportunity" and "could" because where I go internally is my choice.

For the past few years, I have been recovering from spiritual burnout. I have resisted most things "Christian" under the belief that it is full of cliche, hypocrisy and selfish human nature. However looking back, I have realized that my break has been about a few years too long. What I am in is a cycle of laziness. I have allowed life's current to sweep me along and carry me wherever it goes. And I have landed in a place that I don't want to be.

If you ask me where I have grown spiritually over the past few years, I don't know if I could give you a good answer. I could tell you that I feel I have actually gone backwards.

If that trend were to continue, I could not only waste away physically but spiritually as well.

And what good would that be?

People have and will continue to try and have control over the external facet of their life. And I can understand why. You have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday. You don't want to see an old lady or an old man. You want to see that person you were when you were 20. That cannot happen. I'm sure you have seen those people who from the side may look young - their clothes, their hair - but if you look at their face, you know they are much older.

I don't want to be one of those people. That is a losing battle.

Everyone tells me I look a lot younger than I am and "that's a good thing". So if I look like I am 25 when I am 40 it is by no conscious effort of my own. I DO want to be one of those people that others talk about in that way. You probably have talked about or heard about those people.

Those people that loved their neighbor more than themselves. Those people that gave more than they took. Those people that loved their spouse and their kids selflessly and sacrificially and you could tell because of what great people their kids turned out to be. Those people that never knew and never cared that others talked so highly of them because that was not their goal. I want to be one of those people.

And I can be. And I can grow as I waste away. I just have to want to. I have to try. I have to be disciplined. I have to choose to.

And if you read this blog, I would love your help to get there.